Saturday, March 24, 2012

Training Day

It was actually a week, but I like the movie reference too much.  A pictorial essay of my trip to Lakewood for training.  Obviously, I don't get out much, so this was highly unusual!  Mostly pics, and some of my fave FB exchanges.  Pics and FB courtesy of my smart phone, since I didn't take my real camera, and I don't own a laptop.  FB exchanges have been redacted to protect my friends who don't relish the idea of Internet Celebrity.  I LOVE the word, redact.

Before:  My duffel bag, from under my bed.

After:  I had to vacuum it, and then wipe it off.

Before:  My pile of laundry.

After:  Laundry did!
A note about driving to Lakewood:  Does the state of Washington have a personal grudge against Federal Way and Tacoma?  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  But, I was literally thisclose to pulling over to make sure I didn't have a flat tire.  The road surface on I-5 in those cities is so awful!  I took 405 as far as I could, and I remembered it fondly, as I suffered through the psychological trauma of the freeway here.  Thank goodness I don't have to drive that every day.  My personality couldn't take it!

My living room.

My entertainment center.  Cable!

My office.

This bed is the size of a football field.

I usually sleep with my socks on, and I usually kick them off in the night.  In a bed the size of a football field, it was really difficult to find them in the morning!  How did they get all the way over there?!?

My room number.  If I was very clever, I would have lined it up, so the light reflecting  would  be at the very front of the train, and it would look like the train had its headlight on!

The hallway.  One:  have hoteliers never seen The Shining?!?  Omg!  Quit using red in hallways!  So creepy!  Two:  speaking of creepy.  Nothing feels quite as creepy, as taking a picture in an empty public hallway.  Except when you hear a door, and realize the hallway isn't empty, and you look like a total creep.  If you're with a friend, you can pretend it's funny or crazy-funny.  When you're alone, it just feels uber-creepy.

Olive Garden Baked Tortellini and Breadsticks.

Olive Garden Salad.

Olive Garden Tiramisu.

Applebee's Oriental Chicken Salad and maybe a Maple Blondie.

IHOP BLT, Fresh Fruit, and Chocolate something.

I knew there was a mountain here somewhere, but I never saw it until I was driving away!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Pinterest & Internet Celebrity

This pin generated 11 likes and 48 repins so far! I feel a little like an internet celebrity! Watching my email blow up with notifications of the likes and repins was a little surreal. Especially this one:

Did you read that last one? Nikki Minaj!!! The Nikki Minaj? No! I don't even care, I just love that that happened. So, full disclosure: My cousin shared a link on FB, I followed the link, I browsed the website, I pinned an item that I liked, and the rest is history. Internet celebrity seems random, so I'll try not to take it too seriously.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

I Changed My Sheets. A True Story.

I won't say it's unusual that I changed my sheets.  I won't say it's frequent, either.  But the following account is noteworthy.  I bought a very pretty set of sheets on clearance at Fred Meyer.  Dark purple and satiny.  I once bought a set of navy blue flannel-like sheets on clearance at Fred Meyer, which turned my skin blue every time I slept on them.  You should have been a fly on the wall of my brain, before I figured out it was the sheets.  I thought I was turning blue.  Once I figured it out, I got rid of those sheets.  Anyhow, I'm a skeptic about sheets I buy at Fred Meyer on clearance, but their prices are so good.  So I washed my new sheets, got my bed all unmade, and started making the bed with my new dark purple satiny sheets.  The fitted sheet was so deep, that it fit around not only the mattress, but the box spring too.  I decided that since it did fit around the box spring, it needed to fit around the box spring.  Now my mattress and box spring are encased together in this fitted sheet, and I throw the flat sheet on top.  I can't tuck in the flat sheet, because I've got the fitted sheet around the mattress and box spring together, and there's no space to tuck the flat sheet into.  Now I have a dilemma.  Obviously, these sheets are defective, because you can't tuck the flat sheet in.  I consider taking them back to Fred Meyer immediately, informing them their sheets are defective, and requesting a refund or exchange for a non-defective set.  But, I already did all this work.  I don't change my sheets so often that it's no big deal to stop in the middle and start over.  I probably should, but I definitely do not.  The alternative is to keep making the bed, but don't tuck in the flat sheet, because I can't.  I also can't tuck in the blanket or quilt.  And I know for a fact this satiny fabric is not going to magically stay in place without tucking in.  I will be lucky if it doesn't randomly slide off during the day, and I know it will slide off every night.  No question.  But I got this far, and decide to finish the job, pillows and all, and cross that bridge when I come to it.  Which I know will be every day that I wake up, at the least.  So I go on with my day, doing things, for several hours.  Several, as in three or four, hours.  In the back of my mind, I'm pretty annoyed that I have bought another set of bad sheets at Fred Meyer.  They're so cheap, it's almost not worth it to return them.  But if I could get another set that didn't have this problem, then I would really like them.  And it's the principle.  They can't keep selling me defective sheets.  Just because they're on clearance, doesn't mean they can not work as sheets are intended.  But I already made the bed, and I don't want to unmake it.  And I won't want to return them after I actually used them.  I'll have to re-remake my bed.  But it won't be that hard, since nothing is tucked in.  And I'm not actually going to sleep on sheets that are going to slide off in the middle of the night, taking my blanket and quilt with them.  Hours of stewing on the back-burner of my brain.

Then it hit me.  Just because the fitted sheet did fit around the mattress and box spring together, doesn't mean it has to.  It could possibly tuck in between the mattress and the box spring, like every other fitted sheet I have ever used in my life.  In fact, it probably does.  Oh yes, it definitely does.  Cue actual hysterical laughter.  I am frequently wrong, but not always in such a funny way.  And there's a moral to this story, too.  One of my favorite quotes ever, but in my head, it's singular which I think is much more catchy and gangsta.  

The other unusual element to this story, is that I have told it entirely without exclamation points.  Italics have been used liberally for emphasis.  And when I say emphasis in my head, I put the stress on the second syllable, so the "pha" sounds like the "fa" in "faster".  And when I say syllable in my head, I put the emphasis on the second syllable, which makes it sound like the "lob" in "lobster".  I probably got that from a movie.

P.S.  The only thing that stopped me from sharing my embarrassing but hysterical stupidity with the lovely clerks at Customer Service in Fred Meyer, is my unfathomable depths of laziness.  That's all.  I wonder if they would have laughed.  I wonder if I would have.  I cried, I was laughing so hard at home when it happened, and again when I told my mom, and again when I told my dad.  I probably couldn't have driven home, I'd be laughing and crying so hard.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Super Bowl Sunday, With a Bullet

Well, I was doing some yard work before the big game.  And by yard work, I mean I was stomping on mole hills.  Our yard is covered in mole hills, and the only thing that looks slightly better than a million hills of dirt, is a million flat patches of dirt.  So I was stomping them flat, when I saw the shadow of this hawk flying over me.  And I got his picture, with my new camera that takes pictures from far away!  But I still got too close, and he flew to a different tree.  The real beneficiary of this escapade was the family of quail in the woods, which I never see.  I hear them all the time, but they're shy.  Probably because this hawk picks them off whenever they venture out.  You're welcome, quail.

My Hawk

Less Close

Least Close

Tricky, because his back is to the woods, but his head swivels!

Same Hawk, Different Tree

Back to the mole hills.  I found this bullet on top of a mole hill!  I guess it was in the dirt, and the mole pushed it up.  Thanks, mole!  It's amazing I knew what it was, but I've watched a lot of crime shows.  Ballistics and all that jazz.  I gingerly carried it inside, but I held it away from my face, and stopped in the hall to make my dad come look at it, and my dad said it was used and wouldn't explode.  Because I really don't know anything about bullets.

My Bullet


Today's edutainment:  "With a bullet" sounds gangsta, but it's not.

On to the big game!  Here are the highlights:

America the Beautiful and The Star Spangled Banner
Ronald McDonald House Charity

I love America!  Needless to say, I was practically in tears before the game even started!  But I had the following commercials to cheer me up:

Old Navy Corporado
Hyundai "Rocky"
Chevy Silverado Apocolypse
Battleship Movie
Doritos Dog

Imagine my mom's and my surprise when we learned Tim Tebow wasn't even playing.