Sunday, April 29, 2012

Smart Phones Is as Smart Phones Does

Well, a dude tried to pick me up, so this definitely fits in the Unusual category.

I went to a meeting, and I didn't know anyone, so I sat by myself.  This dude who had been sitting by himself came and sat in the seat next to me, and introduced himself.  He works at Microsoft, and for a split-second I wondered if it was wrong to marry someone for their gym membership, because I know he gets a discount at the Pro Sports Club, aka the best gym ever. It only took a split-second, because of course I know that is wrong.

During the meeting this dude played on his smart phone constantly, which I found very distracting.  He also belched once, and did not even excuse himself.  So rude.  After the meeting, he told me he was hungry.  I gave him a look that said:  I ate dinner at dinner time, and it is now 9 o'clock at night, and I'm a girl, so I don't eat dinner a second time late at night, unless I want to gain 50 pounds, which I don't.  I didn't mean to give him this look exactly, but I'm not very subtle, and this is what I was thinking, so I'm pretty sure that's what my face was saying.

I proceeded to leave, and he proceeded to follow me.  And by follow, I mean I opened two doors and he walked through them.  Ruuuuuuuude.  He still has his smart phone in his hand, and he asks me for my email address.  You might think I wouldn't give him my email address, because I am not interested in him at all.  You would be totally wrong.  If I have learned anything in my life, it is to be open-minded.  So I rattle off my email address.  A look of panic crosses his face, and he exclaims, "I need paper and a pen!"

Whaaaaaaaat?  I laughed.  In his face.  Not on purpose, of course, but I was laughing, and there was his face.  And I replied, "You're holding your phone.  In your hand."  There was a momentary look of confusion, and he confessed he had never used his phone that way.  So I walked him through Contacts, New, Name, Email address.  Again, Whaaaaaaaat?  He hasn't emailed me.  Is it because I laughed in his face?  Is he unable to find my contact info in his smart phone without my assistance?  

I think I dodged a bullet.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Dollar Store

I love my local dollar store.  Everything is actually a dollar, and there is some great stuff.  I get a little OCD when I'm shopping for children, and only buy items labeled CE, because if its good enough for Europeans, its good enough for them.  For myself, I love the stationery, office supplies, gift wrap, etc. etc. etc. world without end.  HOWEVER!  I found this item the last time I was there, and it really cracked me up:

I'm putting this firmly in the "unusual" category.  Let's say you have a friend/family member you suspect is smoking pot (and this concerns you).  And let's say they've agreed to be tested by you, and bound by the results of a test you bought at the dollar store.  Already this situation is hysterical.

What are the chances you'll be able to follow these directions?  Check out Step 4.  So you're supposed to read the results in five minutes, but IMPORTANT, not after more than 5 minutes.  Do you have a split second to read the results, before they're invalidated?  How will you KNOW?!?

Favorite dollar store purchase, ever.

P.S.  Upon further reflection, last week's post really was a craft, so I'm putting it in the "crewel" category.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Neither crewel, nor unusual.

I had a very busy week!  I did too many fun things to bore you with mention.  In the spirit of consistency, I am posting anyhow, even if it is later than the weekend, which is my self-imposed deadline.  That is in the spirit of spontaneity!  

One of the many fun things I've been doing is co-hosting a baby shower!  The pic above is of some of our decorations.  We made tissue paper balls, which are both easier to make than they appear, and more difficult.  I like Martha Stewart's instructions.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Flower World

I took a little trip to Flower World, and it is amazing!  I took pictures like a creep tourist, and here they are! If I ever get married, and its not in Vegas, I definitely want it to be here.  I don't know if they do weddings, but they should.  I also took pics of plants, but I don't want to bore you with those.  I will say this about the plants -- they are beautiful and happy, and reasonably priced.  If you sign up for the e-club, you get a 10% discount, which is like making your own sale every day.  And they're grown at the nursery, so they're already acclimated, and the people who work there know exactly what they are.  Love!!!  (If you're wondering, I think this post falls under the "crafts" category -- as in the craft of gardening).

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I had a theory.

My theory was, anyone can look like a bad*** if they are wearing a cowboy hat, sunglasses, and have their picture taken so half their face is in shadow.  So, thanks to the magical photography stylings of my mom, I set out to prove my theory.  And voila!  Six out of 133 FB friends "liked" it, and those are good odds, because I hardly ever "like" profile pictures unless there's a baby or a new haircut in it.

Then, in true scientific fashion, I set out to find the evidence that corroborated my theory in the first place, disregarding anything that disproved it.  During an extensive Google image search, I was coming up empty-handed.  I began to wonder if I'd had an original idea, but I knew that had to be wrong.  Finally, I found my inspiration, and upon reflection it makes perfect sense.  Behold!

Merle Haggard

True story:  In 2nd grade, we made books at school, complete with covers, titles, dedication pages, illustrations.  My book was a poem that, as I recall, rhymed "wish" and "Swiss".  But, it was "Dedicated to Merle Haggard and all those country western singers."  And, at the time, I had a homemade teddy bear named Merle Haggard.  At the tender age of seven, I think I was mildly obsessed with classic country in general, and Merle Haggard specifically, and I have never outgrown it.