Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Handy Lady

Well, it's been a while since I've provided any edutainment, so here goes.  I'll go easy on the exclamation points, and heavy on the italics, so we'll call it even.   

First of all, the phrase "hot day on a cow farm" was coined for a day that smells much like today driving home.  As it turns out, that isn't a real phrase.  I know, because I googled it.  However!  I found the most disturbing article in my search results.  OMG.  I wish that was an April Fool's joke, but it isn't.  It's on CNN Money which is the most boring and least jokey site I know.

But, besides the manure smell, living in the country is super fun!  I bought a new composter a couple weeks ago, and put it together last weekend.  This composter tumbles, and requires no pitchforking of said compost, which never happened.

Step 1:  Take pics of big complicated box.  Because nothing happened if there aren't pics, amiright?!?

Drag said box off porch into sunshine, so you can work on your tan whilst assembling.

Unpack box, and strew assorted pieces basically everywhere.

Check directions to make sure that all assorted pieces are accounted for.  So, I literally counted the screws, and came up with the correct number.

Start assembling!  Follow directions!  Realize working with all this metal in the hot sun is actually kind of painful.  Power through!

Take break to retrieve Handy Lady fuel from fridge.  Thank you Starbucks.  I love to hate you, or hate to love you.  Mostly I feel shame at frequenting a company that is probably despicable.  You know why that doesn't make me a hypocrite?  Because I admit it.  I'm conflicted, but I'm honest.

Put pieces together incorrectly, based on line drawings in directions.  Have gut feeling that this is wrong.  Consult line drawings again.  Why can't they use photos?!?

Put pieces together correctly, and try not to screw them up in between perfection on the ground, and who knows what on the composter assembly.

Success!  See all those tiny holes on the big plastic part?  Apparently, those are 18 screw holes for screwing the halves together.  First of all, magically I am now missing a screw.  Second of all, I screwed in all 18 before I found a part that had to be slipped onto the metal part inside, prior to screwing.  That was step 8 in my directions, and somehow I totally skipped it

Time for a beer.  Right around the time you're feeling you're not up to this, just have a beer.  You are a handy lady!  This is super fun! 

And, voila.

In true country fashion, a hawk showed up in the middle of this, and I had my camera handy, due to the handy lady picture taking.

He's caught a live one!

You can see his talons around the snake!  What the what!?!

And there's a cool contrail.  I totally had to google that, because I always want to call it a comp trail, like the Compline Choir at St. Mark's.  Btw, totally go to that, even if you're not Catholic or religious, because it's a really magical experience.

And, speaking of magical, here's some tiny weeds that grow everywhere here, without any interference by yours truly.  Tiny.  Weeds.  I seriously do love the country.

Step one hundred fifty million:  Lose track of number of steps.  

I lied about the exclamation points, but if you minded that, you wouldn't still be reading.  Learned something about yourself, didn't you?  That's edutainment.

Confidential to people still reading:  I don't italicize periods.  Didn't notice, did you?  But I would.  Not on your blog, if you have one, but on mine.  

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